Yin Yang Day

Hey all,

Feeling depressed today. Sometimes i just feel completely numb to things.....like, no matter what I'm doing, I just feel like, whats the point?

On a better note, I've barely eaten anything today, which feels great.

Intake (so far):

1 cup of ice coffee (about 2 cals from the coffee, 10 cal from the skim milk, 0 cal. from ice)

A glass of health juice (100 calories)

Water water water! (0 calories :D)

Total caloric intake: approximately 112 calories

not bad....but I still have to get through the rest of the day.

Wish me luck.

Hopefully I won't feel so numb and shitty tomorrow......

Love,

Elle

I'm Sorry

Hey my fellow starvers,

Whats up?? Sorry I haven't written in a while......its been a difficult few weeks. Exams are coming up.......and lets just say, ana and me have NOT been getting along.

Like seriously, I've just been eating, and eating, and eating, and eating. FUCK.

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.

I feel disGUSTING.

But I'm stressed.

When I'm stressed, I eat.

How horrible.

I hate a shitload of chinese food today. Thats like the epitome of disgusting. ughhhhhh.

BUT. I'm cutting myself off. NO more food for the rest of the day, if I really need something, I'll go for some fat free yogurt.

And I'm hopefully getting new running shoes next weekend. I haven't been running in AGES i feel soooo gross. I'm so excited to get active again.

I need to run.

I need to starve.

I need to get thin.

Starve on Ladies!!!

Love,

Elle

Everythings going downhill...

So today I woke up feeling pretty good. I felt hungry, which was a great feeling. I don't really get how something as unpleasant as hunger pangs can feel so great :D Anyhoo, the feeling didn't last.

At lunch I was planning on getting just an ice coffee with skim milk, no sugar. But then my friends were buying sushi. Before I knew it, i was eating avocado maki. But that's not even the worst of it.

After school I was at my friends house, and i had a bean burrito. With cheese. With sour cream. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

why am i so fucking weak??!?!?!?!

I know I should have purged, but I've never been able to. I don't think that I'm ready to meet Mia just yet. Ughhhh but i feel disgusting.

Today sucked. Of course ana was there the whole time, reminding me to not give in to the food, but I kept trying to push her to the back of my mind. Now shes pissed off at me, and I feel like total shit.

Tomorrow i will be better. Just studying all day, 'eating' when my mom happens to be out of the kitchen. I'll try to stick to veggy juice, water, and if desperately needed, a luna bar...........Dinner is still a hassle and an obstacle though.

On verra.

Love,

Elle

Hello My Name is Elle

So, as you can see, I'm Elle. A while back, Ana was my best friend, but we had some issues.....we've finally made up, and I'm letting her back into my life...this is my Pro-Ana blog.

My mom refuses to buy a scale, and I don't really have the money to buy one, so unfortunately I have to base my weight loss goals on looks (horrible, I know).

I think the last time I was weighed was at the doctors office, and I weighed about 120 pounds....way to high. I really need to start focusing, and spending some more time with Ana.

Generally I can get away with not eating breakfast and eating minimally for lunch, but dinners are always a problem for me. My mom makes rich, high fat meals, and if i don't eat a 'healthy' portion, she gives me a ton of crap for it. I also kind of love food. I love the taste of food. I even used to want to be a chef...but fuck that shit. I sometimes just have so much trouble resisting good food. Tonight we're having hamburgers for dinner. Shit.

I. Love. Hamburgers. And I feel horrible for it. They're fatty and gross, and after eating them I always feel disgusting. I'll try to eat just a few bites tonight, to satisfy my mom, but I don't know if I'll be able to stop eating once I start.

Ugh. I have to go now. We'll see how it goes.

Love,

Elle

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soooo now I'm back from dinner. I had a half an ear of corn, a half a hamburger, and a half a glass of skim milk. So basically a half a meal. Meh. Not so bad

But now suddenly I'm not in such an ana mood. What's going onnnn????